it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
