Tell her she can't have a vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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