just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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