Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
