i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
