I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
