I bet he comes in French.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
