pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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