i permit you to call me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
