..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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