I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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