I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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