I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
