I just made out with a guy for $7.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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