How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You have to summon your inner elephant
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
