More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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