Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She's the barista slut.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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