Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
