Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
