Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
