I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
