Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
