Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
