Little spoons don't ask big questions
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
