Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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