I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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