you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
