True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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