I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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