Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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