I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
