opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
