the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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