I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
