He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
