Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
