That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
