Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will be naked everywhere
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
