Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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