i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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