There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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