4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
