Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
