they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
