Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
