evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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