i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
