I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
