I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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