Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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