What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
