John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
