We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
