somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
