apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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