my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
